Pixrose

Do a Google Image search for “vagazzle” or “vagazzling”.

An actual email sent by the Princess to her Bossman’s wife, regarding their upcoming trip:

How many bag is the family checking in total? I want to print boring passes. One each?

Due to high volumes of Russian spam, I took an extended break from this blog out of frustration.  Also, because the Princess sickens me to extremes, and I just couldn’t even talk about it for a while.  We have a lot of catching up to do, starting today.

Me

vs.

Lilly Chinese, New York

This was in my young child’s Sweet & Sour Chicken, and I’m sure she has been traumatized:

I rest my case.

If this guy

had a baby with this guy

and the baby inherited the personality of his aunts

then that bitch was on my train this morning.

7:15 a.m. is much too early for that.

My sister watched Beetlejuice everyday.  Fast Times at Ridgemont High happened to be recorded on the same tape (the VCR…sigh….).  The tape was borrowed from someone else and it wasn’t common knowledge that both movies were on there, nor that she was viewing the entire double feature each time.  She was probably about five years old.

My Mom, My Sister and I were all eating dinner one night when the following scene occurred:

The Sister:  What’s an orgasm?

We both sat there with blank looks on our face, and I somehow managed not to run out of the room in a fit of laughter.

The Sister:  WHAT?  It’s not like I asked what a blow job is, because I already know about that!!!

Oh god, I really thought I would die….but then with out missing a beat…

The Mom:  Well, an orgasm is what every woman wants to have, almost all of them lie about having them, and I can guarantee you that I never, EVER had one the entire time I was married to your daddy.

…but this is the first task of the day:

One of the partners has three children, including a 7 year old daughter.  Well, last week the children found three baby bunnies in their yard.  They put them in an aquarium.  Of course, all three bunnies have died.  After the first death, the 7 year old was freaking out, so they lied to her about the other two and told them that they were taken to the vet and will be released into the wild…

This morning I am to find photos online of two similar looking baby rabbits out in the wild (keep in mind that I never saw the damn rabbits).

1.  This is a really bad idea.

2.  A 7 year old girl is going to realize for the first time that her parents are liars.

3.  I’m going to hell for participating in this.

I suggested he replace the two dead bunnies with these two, and said that I was sure his wife wouldn’t mind if they stayed in the garage like the others had.  He said that some pets are allowed inside.  I believe he has a better chance of pulling off that plan than he does of the original one.

Maybe I’ve missed something here…but I think I’ve been asked to do something that is definitely not in my fucking bailiwick.

This morning I received this email from a friend of The Bossman:

Hey!

Jesus loves you, but apparently he loves roids and spray tans more.